Daydreaming

"Rocks and roses" by Hilary J. England
oil on canvas, 8" x 10" 

I was daydreaming back to the whales at Cape Cod, and the beaches of New England.  I long to be there, with every fiber of my being.  So, here is a little painting from then, and I can be a mental traveler until I get the opportunity to travel back to those shores.

I have been busy, trying to forget this pain.  It helps sometimes, but not at night.  Then, it becomes a battle to sleep, and I wake up cranky and exhausted.  I'm just glad school is done, so I don't feel that pressure as well. I look forward to this summer being a good one~

Summer days

"Precarious (cherries on a wing plate)" by Hilary J. England
8" x 10" oil on canvas panel

I've been very busy with Maddie, and that is very nice.  We've done all sorts of neat things, and I was even able to paint a little still life, as she painted her own, and ate up our all of our cherries/props.  Photographing it has been another story, since I did it in a rush, and I lost all of the midtones in the photo, but, I think you get the jist!!

So, now I'm off for another action packed adventure with Miss Maddie.  Enjoy!!

Clouds and silver linings

"Study of clouds and cherry blossoms" by Hilary J. England
Oil on canvas panel, 8" x 10" 2013

Well, tomorrow is graduation, I can't believe it!  I'm ready for it, and for this leg of my educational journey to be done.  Now, continue on....who knows?  Just not right now.  Maybe in a few months or so, after I catch my breath.

I have been very keen on the beautiful, vibrant colors of the foliage and flowers yesterday, particular clouds, their shadows, and their splendid range of infinite colors and shapes!  This little painting reflects that, and I very much enjoyed painting this one.  My neck and back are still not in very good condition, but I kept my head pretty level, and the clouds were just magnificent!

Enjoy!

Lemony

"Lemons on a wooden table" by Hilary J. England
8" x 10" oil on canvas panel, 2013

I guess I feel like life has thrown some lemons at me lately.  But, in the spirit of that, I decided to do a little lemon still life.  I won't get corny and say something about lemonade, LOL.  My modus operandi used to be throw some tequila back with those lemons, but not so anymore.  Now, I will just paint the lemons, and make them what I want them to be...beautiful even if they were painful, and mysterious, because God made them.

It's been a month since Isaac died.  It's hard to believe, it feels so long, and still not real.  More real than it did, but still not completely true.  How can it be?  Young men don't just die in mid-conversation...yet, that's what happened.

I know his first month in Heaven was wonderful, just not so for us here on Earth.  But, in love, we only hope for what's good for those we love, and that's how we feel for Isaac.  Only hoping for his pure and eternal happiness and peace.  We'll fumble along here and eventually find our footing, until we all meet again.

Endurance

"Flowers and shade" by HIlary J. England
oil on canvas, 8" x 10", 2013

I am looking forward to graduation this weekend, it was a long, hard road, but I finally finished what I had worked and worked for, and for that, I am very proud.

I am in the middle of some sort of "back attack" that began last week, and has not relented.  After my accident in 2004, I damaged my spine along with my leg and the rest of my body, and I would get these infrequent attacks of nerve pain that would sometimes last a month or more.  Usually it would be in my lower back, but this time, it started in my neck, and the pain is excruciating.  It is now also in my lower back, and is making life very difficult right now.

So, I must do paintings that do not require me to go climbing or any other acrobatics for the meantime.  This little painting was done right in my neighborhood, around the corner from my house, where there is a tract of woods right along the walking path that is along the river.  It is very beautiful, and very accessible~

Weepy weather

"Farm field at dusk" by Hilary J. England
oil on canvas, 8" x 10" 2013  

I have been feeling wistful today--maybe it's the rain.  I sat outside on the porch, listening to Ravel and Chopin, and my mind just kept going to nostalgic places, when there was more of us, in every respect.  When we hadn't lost so many people.  I could only sit watching the rain softly fall, smile at the memories, and pray that we can continue to rally. God is still with us, even though these seem sad and sometimes aimless times.

I began to clean up my big palette.  I feel a sense of urgency to begin a new series, but I get so pent up, it's like getting prepared to get shot out of a cannon (not that I've ever been haha).  I am intensely anxious, but this is normal.  My mind is gearing up for a brainstorm, and then I will layout the vision of my new series.  It's just hard because my brain starts going in all different directions, and I get very agitated when this begins.  So, I am pacing and pacing today.

Here is a little farm field I did yesterday, inspired by the local farm country, and the visit out toward my Dad's.  I was out at Mark's mother's farm, and the corn is beginning to grow.  Twilight and everything looked quaint and timeless, so very timeless, and so, a quick little sketch. Enjoy!

Sunny

"Sunny field of wildflowers" by Hilary J England
8" x 10" oil on canvas

What an absolutely beautiful day!  The weather is about the finest weather a person can ask for, with beautiful bright sunshine, warm but not hot, and soft late Spring breezes gently caressing everything and charging the atmosphere with life and excitement.  I just could not resist such magnificent weather!

So, with that, I painted a little painted that reflected the day, with vivid color that engulfs every sense and brings joy to your heart--I can't help but feel happy on a day such as this!

Enjoy~

Heat and reprieve

"Purple wildflower field at dusk" by Hilary J England
8" x 11" x 1" oil on canvas 2013

So, the dog days jumped right on us, haha.  But, we are holed up, with air conditioning now to sustain us, even in my studio, thanks to two strapping young people, Candy and Anthony.  They were able to get my air conditioning unit mounted, even in the face of the Fire Department pounding our door down, due to an ADT monitor error triggered (according to the Fire Department) by the heat, and Mark giving them a wrong contact number.  Never a dull moment, smh.

Now we hide out from heat and pollen!  The entire house is sniffling and sneezing and crabbing, but this is usual for June.  Usually, just when we reach our wit's end by the end of June, the allergies just go away like magic.  Happens every year.  My finger is starting to heal nicely, although the entire tip is numb, but that's to be expected. I can feel the cut way deep down when I manipulate the area, and that feels like it is knitting together nicely as well. I think I can leave it unbandaged from this point forward.

Graduation is in 12 days.  I don't know how I feel about that, except slightly dreading it, because I know I'm supposed to be so hyped to participate, but it just means a day of irritation to me, with rushing around no matter how early we get up, traffic, seating snafus, bickering relatives making the day all about them, etc. I've been around long enough to know the entire drill dealing with this pack.  All ceremonies are aggravating, and this one will be no different.  I'm doing it mostly for my kids, so that they can see and know that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to doing, through any adversity, at any age.  I think it's very important for them to know that, so for that, I put aside my own apathy, and put on my game face as the leader of my little wolf pack ;-)  It's my duty, and I never shirk my duty.

I was able to find a nice little field to paint at dusk, while Chorkie went mad looking for things to chase and urinate on.  It was a fast little painting, and fast is the key word here, because I gave up after being attacked by a swarm of gnats that kept enshrouding my head, and landing on my sweaty face and scalp.  Eewww...

So, that's that for today.  'Til tomorrow, God willing, have a wonderful day!

Replays

"Calm seas before a shower" by Hilary J England
oil on canvas, 8" x 11" x 1, 2013

My mind keep returning to the beach...it's where I feel closest to God for whatever reason, but when my mind is under serious, ongoing stress, it seems to return there, to the peaceful cool of the salty air, the smooth resistance of the sand, the majesty of the enormous vistas, and the sound of the waves, either lapping or pounding the water's edge.  Today, the waves were gentle, the breezes, soft.

Mark is still in the hospital.  It doesn't appear that the chemo has had any effect on the tumors, which is disheartening.  They are trying to get him strong enough to come home, and then in another week, we will have to make a decision:  go forward with more treatment, or not.  This is an excruciating decision, and one that can never have a "right time."  The implications are obvious, and it seems surreal that from St. Patrick's Day to now, this situation has surfaced, mushroomed, and has sucked our entire lives into its vortex.  I don't know what to do or say to be of support or help, since it is Mark's life, it is ultimately his decision.  I support either decision, and will help him through it either way.

So, like water dripping from a faucet, I feel the tension in the air, the catch of breath before exhalation.  I am optimistic to get through these trials, as it is the only thought that moves me forward.  This too shall pass...happy days will come again, one day, soon. I feel that is certain, I hope on that, I count on that, I dream on that, I live on that.

Reflections

"Trees and little flowers" by Hilary J. England
oil on canvas, 8" x 11" 2013

This time last year, I was gearing up to go to Nice, and what a time that was!  This year, I spend so many days in the hospital, I am beginning to despair.  I am getting really down.  Everything is piling up, and I am the only one left to dig it out.  A pointer for well-meaning family and friends of a cancer patient:  we appreciate prayers, of course.  But some physical action is helpful too.  Perhaps take a day off and help us out with work that needs to be done around our home, or even offer to help with a small donation of some kind to help with his medical and living expenses while we are going through this extremely difficult time.  These actions, in conjunction with prayer, will be ever so helpful.  God says we are to also be his "feet" on this earth, and being feet requires action.

The heat is going to be oppressive this week, of course, and I don't have my air conditioning set up in my studio.  We need an able-bodied man to install it.  Anthony is good for muscle and lifting, but because the window is very oddly shaped, we need a guy who is handy with a saw to help us mount this thing in.  We don't need any more saw accidents, for sure.  So, until someone comes forward to help us, I will not be able to get in there and work...that is a very disheartening, since this is really the only thing that keeps me going right now.

I am trying to keep my chin up, and I will, no matter what.  Even though things look bleak, I know God has a plan, eventually it will be obvious, even if it isn't right now.